Not the Week I Expected

This has been kind of a discouraging week for me.

All of my seedlings are dying. Over the last two weeks I have lost an entire set of hot peppers, tomatoes, and assorted other sproutlets. I water them, I sun them... I don't know why they are dying. I'm sure I am doing something wrong, but I have followed the directions to the best of my abilities and that's all I've got. So I'm on round two with some plants, waiting for them to start sprouting. I already did this waiting thing once, I don't want to do it again! I feel impatient, and then I feel angry. And now that I'm starting to get angry, I think.. nothing ever works for me. Nothing ever goes my way. Now I think about how I haven't done any painting/sketching/etc for a few weeks, and I wanted to finish that one watercolor for my Dad, and it's... well, it's kind of crappy, and I'm not an artist, I'm a moron with a pencil and too much time on her hands. I need to be doing something productive. Need to be working. I'm working on the shop, taking pictures for listings, editing pictures for listings... there's a freaking hair stuck in the prongs of the ring I just took 20 pictures of. Retake pictures, do a blog feature, troll etsy...

No sales.

And now I'm confused, impatient, angry, my neck is all sore from not using proper computer posture and

BLARGH WHY AM I FAILURE AT LIFE

I just realized I didn't even type that correctly. Rinse, and repeat.

I've been reading a book my mom loaned me, called "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idleman. And by reading, I mean I started it, got a couple chapters into it, and then left it sitting while all the aforementioned super awesome fun time stuff was going on. I sat down last night for a few moments between all the "busy busy busy" and read this:

Diagnosing Fandom: Is Jesus one of many, or is He your One and Only?

And questions 1 & 2 are good; very good (For What Do You Sacrifice Your Money; When You're Hurt, Where Do You Go For Comfort?) but #3 is what I really needed.

Really really needed.

3. What disappoints or frustrates you the most?
When we feel overwhelmed with disappointment it often reveals something that has become too important. It may be something as significant as a loss of a job, or something as insignificant as the loss of a ball game. When we find that those things have the power to determine who we are and what kind of day we have, it very well may be evidence that something is more important than it should be. Of course some level of disappointment and frustration can be natural. But if you find that you are excessively disappointed or over-frustrated it's an indication of what might be competing for affection that is to be Christ's alone.

BOOM.

Truth bomb, as The Fox likes to say.

Instead of getting bogged down, I need to realize that if I don't have a garden full of shiny heirloom tomatoes, that's Ok. I can go to the farmer's market and support my local farmers.
I need to step back from the computer and instead of obsessing over perfect pictures, go outside and enjoy a sunny, 78 degree day after snow and slush and gloom for months.

It may be rainy today, but look at those blossoms!!

And yes, I am a moron with a pencil. But I like it that way and what else really matters?

James 1:2-4- Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Romans 8:26- Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Philippians 4:6– Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

There's so many more. It encourages my heart so much to read such powerful words!
What I hope to take away from this week is when things start to get me down, firstly- is it really that important? In 10 years, 6 months or even 2 weeks from now.. will this even matter? If the answer is no, then I need to get over it. And secondly, maybe it is important- but is it more important than it should be? Am I letting the world take my eyes off Jesus and focus on the fool's gold it offers instead?

This week my prayer is to "count it all joy" and be "anxious about nothing" and I hope you will join me in that!!